Professor clarifies dating paradox
>>Print ViewPublication Date: 11/18/2009
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Do opposites attract, or do birds of a feather flock together? One Purdue professor believes it’s a little bit of both.
Mangala Subramaniam, an associate professor of sociology, said likeness is required for cooperative endeavors, while differences can aid in situations in which attraction is involved. In a world where both cooperation and attraction frequently coincide, differences can betray the search for common ground.
Especially in college, which is as much of an opportunity to expand one’s mind as it is for social prosperity, social interaction for many students largely insists on the prominent presence of the opposite sex. While interaction with the same sex that we were circle circle dot-dotting back in elementary school can be magical indeed, differences that cloud a perfect understanding of our biological counterparts cannot be ignored.
Subramaniam said differences are a result of the establishment and adherence to social norms we cross-culturally and largely all partake in. Social norms define women as “better communicators, uncompetitive, risk adverse, less abstract and too emotional.” Conversely, men “thrive on specificity, analysis and emotional neglect.” Besides the obvious physical identifiers, however, Subramaniam said the reality is there isn’t much else innately different about the sexes. Furthermore, when someone says another is “impossible,” Subramaniam said this overt frustration is a result of a breakage of social norms, and not due to an innate malice fostered in the opposite sex.
Ellen Zouras, a sophomore in the College of Technology, agrees. Zouras believes the key to understanding the opposite sex is gravitating towards those with which you make the least amount of compromises.
“It’s very refreshing to bond with a male who understands your emotions and thoughts,” said Zouras.
But admittedly, Zouras agrees the search can be rough. Zouras finds the sensitivity levels of men hard to keep track of.
“Some guys react to every little thing you may tell them, while others couldn’t give a damn,” she said.
Ian Trout, a senior in the College of Liberal Arts, cites the desire for acceptance and appreciation as the defining forces underlying what makes the battle of the sexes so meaningful. Despite the “unpredictable 180s,” the “mind games” and the “rules” that drive Trout and many of his male contemporaries insane, Trout believes women are worth this headache.
“Differences help you grow and make you a better person,” said Trout.